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August 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sense and sensitivity

As usual lately I've been troubled by the news. There has been way too much contentious rhetoric and not nearly enough sensitivity to others. It's occurred to me that we've forgotten how important it is to walk in someone else's shoes before making judgments.


Polls show, for instance, that most Americans are opposed to the building of a Muslim educational center and mosque at Ground Zero. There's been a lot of shouting, a flurry of accusations from both sides. Those who oppose it are accused of racial and religious bias. Those in favor of it are described as insensitive at best, and as terrorists at worst.


Here's how I see it. We are a nation created by people fleeing religious persecution. Our constitution supports religious freedom, not just for Christians, but for the believers of all religions. On that basis alone, there should be no objections to the building of a mosque in any community. That said, however, it seems to me that the supporters of this particular mosque are showing tremendous insensitivity to the families of the victims of 9/11 and to a nation which sees Ground Zero as hallowed ground. Do they have the right to build there? Absolutely. Is it in their best interests to do so under these circumstances? Absolutely not. Legality and sensitivity do not always walk hand in hand.


In  similar fashion, just this weekend conservative talk show host Glenn Beck held his rally for honor on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on the anniversary of Martin Luther King's historic "I have a dream speech" at the same location. It was undeniably his right not only to hold such a rally -- he'd be the first to point out the laws proclaiming that right -- but to choose the timing and place for it. Did his decision display even a hint of respect for or sensitivity to Dr. King's legacy or for the African-American community? Sorry, but no. Again the deliberate lack of sensitivity makes you wonder about the sincerity of the message.


I could go on and on about the many ways that the legal right to do something bumps headlong into whether the action is sensitive...or sensible. I can't help thinking about an old adage, "He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead now as if he'd been wrong."


Defending our constitution is never wrong. Tempering it with sensitivity is even better.


 


 


 

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Supplying schools

It used to be kids were sent off on the first day of the school year with notebooks, textbooks, pencils and a colorful lunch pail. Based on a TV news report I saw the other day, times have surely changed.


In one district -- I'm not sure where -- the list of supplies kids need to have on the first day of school included everything from tissues and disinfectant wipes to toilet paper. Obviously budgets are tight everywhere, but this is just a little scary. Plus, I have this image of that toilet paper winding up wrapped around the trees on the school grounds, not that all children these days aren't little angels who would never dream of doing such a thing!


It's been true for a very long time that schools don't have nearly enough money to buy all the supplies most teachers would like for their classrooms. Even when I was volunteering years ago in an inner city elementary school, the teacher I worked with spent a huge percentage of her own money on creative supplies for her learning disabled students. She haunted thrift stores for placemats that could be cut into puzzle shapes or objects that could be turned into a matching game. She was one of the most caring, inventive teachers I've ever met. And I know she was spending money she didn't have to spare. We've been expecting this of teachers for way too long.


And now we're asking parents, who theoretically pay for their child's education with tax dollars, to chip in with more than notebooks and pencils. I'm not suggesting that's wrong, only that it worries me how it will affect the family that's barely making ends meet at home. Some folks are barely able to scrape together the money for the classroom essentials, much less the desirable backpacks and other things kids need to feel as though they fit in.


I'd love to hear what's happening in your school district. Has that essential school supply list grown dramatically this year? How do you feel about it? Click on comments below and let me know.


Does your community have a school supply drive? Though I've dropped off supplies for those in the past, something tells me it's more important than ever this year. If you have the money to spare for a few extra pencils, pens, notebooks or whatever's on your child's list, pick up a few items and take them to a community drop-off. Buy in bulk wherever such things are available and share with others. No child should ever start the school year without a few basic necessities...especially toilet paper!


 

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Monday, August 9, 2010

Contradictory messages

I suspect we all send out contradictory messages all the time. A lot of the time we wind up doing things we never wanted to do because people detected "maybe," instead of a clear and emphatic "no!"

I wonder, however, how many people do this inadvertently in business, and have no idea why their message isn't being received clearly. Here's an example that had me shaking my head. As I was driving the other day, the car in front of me had an ad for a nationally known cosmetics company on the back windshield. On the opposite side of the glass was a skull and crossbones! Hmmm! Would you let this woman sell you make-up? Maybe, if I were a biker chick.

What about the woman who wears low-cut dresses to the office and is shocked when a male co-worker hits on her? Or, as happened just the other day, a woman files a sexual harassment claim against the CEO of a major electronics company and then claims to be "surprised and saddened" when he's fired?

Maybe the whole contradictory message thing gets ingrained in us early. Some of us probably feigned a stomach ache to get out of a test at school way back when, only to be startled when a parent insisted on a visit to the doctor. And the same parent who dragged us little schemers off to see the doctor also taught us to tell the little "white lie" in certain social situations to avoid hurt feelings.

So, as adults we say of course we understand, when really we don't as someone bails on us. We say we're terrific, when our lives are crumbling around us, then wonder why people can't see how miserable we really are.

Bottom line, I suppose, is that we could all use better communication skills. Some contradictory messages or little white lies probably don't matter a bit in the larger scheme of things. But others can create havoc. Hopefully before we utter that little social fib -- or paste stickers on the back of our cars -- we'll take just one second to think about what we're really saying. In this day of instant circulation on the Internet, those casual words can haunt us forever.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Organizing a hurricane

That's how I feel after two weeks in North Carolina's Outer Banks with way more people than I normally see in a month, much less every single day. Though it was merely hot and breezy in Nags Head, I felt as if I was happily amid a hurricane of activity. I came away from it completely in awe of the people who juggle their family's needs on a daily basis.


For starters, I hate grocery stores. For a woman who loves to eat as much as I do, it's fairly astonishing that I'd rather have a tooth pulled than go into most grocery stores. I don't think it has a thing to do with struggling against temptation. It has to do with trying to find everything on my list, waging war against the checkout lines or even dealing with the frustration when my preferred self-checkout lanes go into some kind of weird breakdown and refuse to check me out. I usually grumble from the minute I walk through the front door as I hit empty spaces on the shelves where my products used to be, all the way out the door again.


Let me tell you, when you are shopping for seven instead of one, as I was the first week, or sixteen instead of one, as I was on rare occasions the second week, I used up my quota of grumbling for a year. How do the moms in my gang do this on a weekly basis? Or any of you, for that matter? I'd have to go into counseling from trying to reorganize all the grocery stores of the world.


And then there were the excursions. I'm usually doing very well, thank you, to get myself and maybe a friend into a car and to a destination on time. I watched as my goddaughter and her sisters and their spouses juggled kids from the pool to a kayak to an adventure to see wild horses to miniature golf without batting so much as an eyelash. They were cool, calm and generally unfrazzled. As I said, I was in awe.


So to all of you out there who are doing this every single day, getting kids of various ages to every kind of activity imaginable, plus packing school lunches and watching over homework, you have my unequivocal admiration. Add in all those trips to the grocery store and you're my heroines!