Monthly archive

June 2010

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father Knows Best

I grew up in the era of the TV sit-com Father Knows Best, though mine was a far-from-typical household. Both of my parents worked. My mother hated to cook. My father enjoyed it. And I learned to do it as a matter of self-preservation because if I waited for either of them to do it after work, who knows at what hour we'd have eaten.


I've been thinking a lot about my dad today. He died twelve years ago this coming August and over the years I missed a lot of Father's Days. There were calls, of course, and presents, but it was only in the last few years of his life that I was fortunate to be around in person. That was such a blessing.


I'm always amazed at how many folks I know rarely get home to see their parents, sometimes even when living nearby. Despite the distance between us -- with my folks in Virginia and me in Florida -- I tried to always make it home at least once a year and they usually came to Florida to spend time with me, as well. Now that my dad is gone, I'm so glad that we talked on the phone so regularly and saw each other so often.


My dad was a product of the Depression, a man who believed in frugality and in not taking financial risks. Yet, when I decided to quit my newspaper job to take a chance on becoming a writer, he was in my corner a hundred percent. And when I dragged him to book signings and forced him to buy a book he could have gotten from me free at home, he complained only mildly that it would have been easier just to give me the percent of the cover price I was going to earn from the sale. Though my mom, the reader in the family, died before my first book sold, my dad would sit in the mall at some of my signings with a smile on his face as he watched me chat with readers. I'm sure he was thinking of her, just as I do whenever a new book hits store shelves.


Though my mom was far too young when she died -- only 60 -- my Dad lived till 80, and was active until the last day, working in his garden, hanging out with neighbors to chat. Both of them died way too suddenly, which is why I want to take today to remind all of you with Dads who are still around, treasure them.


Listen to their stories for the hundredth time, heed at least some of their advice, give your children the opportunity to know them. Treat them well, not just on Father's Day, but all year. That's the only sure-fire way I know not to live with regret when they're gone.


My dad was a southern gentleman, who hated my occasional use of profanity, had a kind word for everyone, took candy to local store clerks at Christmas, and packaged up boxes of tomatoes and shipped them to me every July for my birthday because for me there's never been anything tastier than a Virginia home-grown tomato out of his garden. Mine, no matter how hard I try now that I'm living here in the summer, have never quite measured up. I know there's some secret ingredient missing from the soil. I'm sure he kept it from me just so I'd miss him even more.


So, to all of you out there lucky enough to have fathers around today, be grateful. Enjoy them. Happy Father's Day!!!


 


 

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The world according to fraud

Yes, I spelled that correctly. I'm not talking about Freud. We all have at least some idea about what his thoughts are. I'm talking about today's world and how it's changed thanks to the rampant risk of fraud.


This is on my mind because yesterday I went shopping. Now this may not seem monumental to most of you, but for me it's almost unheard of. Usually when I'm bogged down with deadlines, I'm lucky to make it to the grocery store for food, the gas station, the bookstore (of course) and someplace to buy paper for the printer.


So it's little wonder that when a sizable charge at Macy's came in to some electronic monitor, alarm bells went off. I've had this happen once before for a similar reason: no one expects me to be out of the house! Okay, so far.


Then, however, things began to unravel. The clerk, who up to that point had been very helpful, was apparently facing a situation she'd never had to face before -- getting authorization. I, up to this point, was happy at the efficiency of the credit card company trying to protect me from theft.


Unfortunately, the clerk had no idea how to get the authorization. She called the credit card company, which was befuddled. She called the Macy's office, which was equally befuddled. My patience, which I never claimed as being anywhere on my list of virtues, was at its limits.


The manager came, and determined that none of the calls had been made to the one number where someone could actually have authorized the charge. She made that call. I spoke to a fraud person who was happy to approve the charge after I'd listed the last 50 million stores I'd visited (seriously, she was happy after the first one I mentioned, but I kept going). She also verified my address, my phone number and how recently I'd colored my hair. Okay, she didn't ask about my hair color, but you get the idea. She was very thorough.


Now in this day and age, I am very grateful to all the people who want to protect me against fraud. I just want to find them in a timely fashion. It goes back to that favorite issue of mine -- customer service. Had the clerk received proper training, I'd have been out of the store in twenty minutes tops. I'd have been happy, not just with my purchases, but with the service. As it was, I was there for an hour and I was exhausted from the commotion.


Now, however, the presents I bought are wrapped and on their way. And now that I've vented, I can put the frustration of the experience behind me. I would, however, love to hear how you feel about these unexpected "fact-checks" to determine your identity. Have you encountered them? Did they go smoothly, or did you wind up feeling like the thief? Sign up below to comment.


 


 

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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Making the tough decisions

Just recently I had a call from a cousin who'd spoken to our aunt. It seems she was in a frenzy over some kind of mailer she'd received that baffled her. It had something to do with a car. Since she's 97, has never driven and never owned a car, she was confused. Her first call had been not to my cousin. Not to me. But to my cousin's brother, apparently because he -- being a man and all -- would have superior wisdom when it came to resolving the issue. Since he wasn't around, my cousin got the call by default and I, because I was going to visit the next day, got to resolve the problem...by tearing up the mailer and tossing it and reassuring her that it was junk, despite looking official.


This is not a first. My aunt often turns to my cousin's brother, which usually amuses both my cousin and me. My cousin is, after all, a teacher with more than 30 years experience, and I've been around quite a few professional blocks myself. Never mind that, in fact, my aunt herself is pretty savvy still, and had a long career with the government. Somehow she believes a guy will give her better advice.


This has made me wonder whether her attitude comes from her era, her age or whether it just reflects a tendency by all of us to seek perspectives from a lot of people before making tough decisions. Maybe it's the latter.


I've faced a few dilemmas lately and I have to admit to seeking opinions from far and wide, male and female. I'm perfectly capable of making the decisions on my own -- and ultimately I'll have to -- but I'm torn. I need all these other voices to help me view things more clearly.


What do you do when you're facing a tough decision? Do you have specific people you turn to for advice? Does that person vary depending on the issue? I'd love to hear if you've encountered the "men know best" philosophy? Sign on to comment below, or email me directly at Sherryl703@gmail.com.