Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Baby Pressure

So, when are you going to have a baby?

My husband and I have been married for almost a year and a half and we are enjoying our “alone” time together. Lately, though, there’s been some “baby pressure” heading our way. Example? We just moved into our first home, and I decided to host an open house with friends and family so my husband and I could show off our new digs. Well, as I was giving tours of our home, my mother was following behind, and as I was showing off the last bedroom, she piped in with, “This is going to be the first baby’s room!” Talk about embarrassing! Especially since I had been thinking this room would be the perfect digs for something with four legs -- instead of two -- and furry all over.

Then there’s my stepmother, who’s exerting the opposite kind of pressure when it comes to us having babies. She appears to dread the day she’ll become a grandmother—she’s into staying as young as possible as long as she can. She even told my husband to look at her as a sister instead of a mother-in-law!

Then there’s my dad (her husband), who’s adorable with children. They flock to him like he’s a giant teddy bear! He’ll be an amazing grandpa—yikes, more pressure!

To top things off (or should I say “round” them out a bit, ha ha), my friends are starting families, and they keep telling me they want their children to have little friends to grow up with! Our friends used to ask my husband and me, “How’s married life?” Now it’s “When are you two having kids?”

For now, it’s all about excuses. Our first excuse was that we want a dog before we have a baby. So now our friends keep asking, “When are you getting that dog?” Our new home didn’t come with a fenced backyard, so excuse number two is, “When we build a fence.”

We’re running out of excuses! Anyone out there have a better way to deal with the pressure to procreate?

Signed: “Not Ready Yet” in Dallas, TX


Blogger WriterStriver said...

We have two kids now, but I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. We waited 7 years before having our first! I love my babies, and there's nothing in the world like being a momma, but it seems like people who have kids have that "misery loves company" mindset. Again, I mean that with the utmost enthusiasm for my own children. :) My best solution was sraightforwardness. "We're young yet, and we will have kids one day. But not anytime soon, God willing. And by the way, did I tell you about the great vacation my hubby and I are taking next month?" Then watch them squirm with jealousy at your unbridled freedom!

August 18, 2007 10:41 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

I'm going to be 31 in September. I've been with my common law hubby for almost 10 years. He is 37. We talked about having kids when we first got together. I'm not sure what's happened but we are kinda leaning towards not having kids now. I would like to get married before I have kids. I also want to travel to a few places and fix up our house some. Those are 2 things we probably would not be able to afford to do if we had kids.

Every year when I go for my yearly doc appointment my doctor always asks me when I'm going to start a family. I asked him why, and he said no reason just that he thinks I'd make a good mom.

August 20, 2007 4:29 PM  
Blogger Gloria Oliver said...

Couples need to do what is right for them. Just be upfront with people about not needing the pressure - you'll get to it when and if you're ready. If they won't leave it alone, it's time to think about not associating with them. They obviously don't have your interest at heart. And not everyone should be a parent. Why force them into it? It's wouldn't be good for them or the children. :P

August 22, 2007 4:12 AM  
Blogger goldmann_s said...

I didn't have to endure too much pressure in this area. Things just happened naturally - we had our first child after being married 4 years. I know my mother had extreme baby pressure from her in-laws and they waited 10 years to have me! I think you just have to do what you're comfortable with and just ignore the comments.

August 31, 2007 2:00 PM  
Blogger mommyof2 said...

I like everyone's comments. You guys should have children when you both ready to have them( both of you and not just one of you)My husband and I waited 5yrs before we had our first child had I known then what I know now, that I would be the one to take care of them all the time I would have waited till he was ready to help out more. I ready like writerstriver answer tell them your to busy planning your next trip, my husband and I our going on ten yrs of marriage and we never had our honeymoon and with two young children I don't see us going on the ten yrs trip like we said we would on our wedding night. So tell everyone to RELAX and when it happens it will happen...let them think about that for a while....REMEMBER to have fun PRACTICING....p.s I'm already jealous

September 3, 2007 6:18 AM  
Blogger Winterlily said...

I am going through the same thing..dumb people asking that stupid question.

Q: When are you going to have kids?
A: When stupid people like you who ask me that dumb question die. (said with a polite smile of course!)

As you can tell, this question really annoys me.

December 16, 2007 2:44 PM  
Blogger Mrs B said...

I am 20 years old nd have been married 8 months, my husband is 26,we have been together for 4 years now and being married is the best thing ever, although it's not as easy as I thought sometimes, but then again, nothing ever is!
Like most newly married couples we find things very difficult financially with just the pair of us, let alone a child.
All, I mean ALL of my firneds ahev babies aremostare having their second which is their choice but with everyone having babies I fell there is so much indirect pressure on me to have one!
Although that is what I would love, one day, but just not now.
My husband and I have been through 3 years of hard times and now is the time to enjoy our lives alone with one another for holidays and shopping etc, personally I think that if we did have baby now, we wouldnt be able to do all of those things for ourselves.
Sometimes in life you have to be selfish and think of yourself, especially before bringing another life into this world.
One day I cant wait to start a family as we would make perfect aprents but that time isn't just yet.
Everyone is constantly asking "when are you having one?" or "any plans for a baby yet?" or "you've got to have them young so you can live your life when you're older" that may work for some people but I'd rather live my life now, not in 30 years time thanks! What if i dont live that long too!
Also people just assume you can have children and cross the barrier into our personal lives, i really hate that!
I know my husband and I consantly discuss this together and agree with each other but I just need some other opinions too!
Maybe in a few years once we are both completely settled in full time careers with money!! and a house!! The worst is when I visitmy mum and her fiance is always going on about us having a babyand when and where etc etc etc!! how great it'll be etc and it drives me mad I'm only a baby myself you know! It's great to know your mum wants to knit clothes for your baby and the mother in law wants to babysit, the support is fantastic for when the time comes, but not yet. I want to enoy my life and get ahead and a bit of success, we both do. I like the idea of not feeling well and my husband only having to care for me, not rush around for anyone else! as selfish as that sounds but true!

January 15, 2008 2:49 PM  

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